With it being Valentines day, I thought it is excellent timing for this post. Over the weekend, I met an old friend for coffee (you know how much I lurrrve my coffee) and we got talking. Her parents are trying to find her the perfect ‘suitor’. This friend of mine is Asian and after several failed attempts at dating, she decided what harm could it be? So off her parents went and contacted an ‘Aunty Jee’ (for all you non ethnic folks out there, everyone is an Aunt, Uncle or a cousin – related or not). This ‘Aunty Jee’ arrived and asked her for a ‘Marriage CV’, she would then pass this onto ‘potential grooms’.
As we gossiped and laughed, being the good friend that I am, I decided that I would write this CV for her . Afterall, we had to do what it takes for her to be considered. She needed to stand out from the crowd. I would make sure of it. I searched the internet for a Marriage CV template, but they all lacked that certain Je ne sais quoi. After much deliberation, I decided to create my own. For the purposes of this post I will refer to my friend as Goldie Kumar (my inspiration comes from a Vodafone call centre assistant I spoke to earlier and an actor’s name merged together).
Name: Goldie Kumar
Age: ‘Tera karoo gin gin gin aja piya ayee bahaar’ ( For you I count, count, count, come my lover Spring has arrived). Lol.
I chose not to disclose her age, as I didn’t want her to be eliminated before reaching the interview process. Instead, I googled the cheesiest bollywood song I could find, to do with numbers and translated the line for her. It would either attract a roadside Romeo; who shares her love for bollywood, a guy with a good sense humour, or a slightly odd pervert. Its all about traffic my friends!
Cooking skills: I will cook you pakoras and aloo ghobi so it can get you feeling hot hot hot . Then when you feel that internal flame (indigestion), I will make you homemade mango lassi to wash it away, because like ice, I am cool. Ice, ice baby.
I feel a little guilty whilst writing this, the immature girl in me is finding it hilarious, am I a bad friend for laughing? Who cares? I am too invested in this now anyway.
Family Goals : My hips don’t lie.
Career: Like a chameleon, I adapt well to my surroundings. At home I am the perfect dupatta (scarf) wearing, Michelin starred chef. When I am outdoors, I am a social entertainer and events planner. I am known to be the life and soul of the party.
Please take what I have written with a pinch of salt. This is all just some fun to make light of a potentially life changing situation. Those of you looking for your other half, remember you are the BETTER half. All these attributes; children, job etc, all become a nothing when you meet your partner. Don’t get hung up on the little details and give that special person a chance.
This is not a sponsored post, however if you are interested in my friend… Holla!!
For a similar light hearted humourous post on The School Run go here