I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything and I have to apologise . I have the worse case of cabin fever. Let me tell you, being stuck at home all Easter with my children getting chicken pox one after another hasn’t been fun.
Aside from two very miserable, whiny children and a sleep deprived me, my days have been spent being couped up, watching that nuisance Peppa Pig- on repeat and doing copious amounts of online shopping. I know I’m an insomniac but I never said I function on zero sleep, what little sleep I do have they have taken from me. Not cool!
As you all know I absolutely love food, I live to eat rather than eat to live. But food and I have been been making and breaking up since I can remember . I used to joke about having bulimia with amnesia. I would binge hard and forget to purge. I know eating disorders are no joking matter, but neither is compulsive eating. I often wonder whether my need for finishing what was on my plate stemmed from childhood. You know when your Mother insisted you finish everything on your plate, because in third world countries there are children dying. Now, at 30 years old I can go from being super hungry to super full. I never get that satiated feeling that people often talk about.
I have been on every diet under the sun; from Atkins, Paleo, Ketongenic to not eating whole food groups (aside from the obvious gluten, which I have to avoid – remember if I am superman then gluten’s kryptonite). I used to be and sometimes am an emotional eater and can eat anyone under the table. You wouldn’t be able to guess that as I am petite framed but really, I can continue to eat and eat, wayyyy past that full feeling. But surely that cannot be healthy and it isn’t normal. Even I can tell you that .
Don’t get me wrong I am now very health conscious, in fact I love healthy food and like to nourish my body and I’m constantly on a journey to heal my gut. But I know that there is a fat child in me waiting to come out. I have to actively keep her at bay. What I have learnt is that diets do not work me and here’s why. When I am told not to do something, I actively seek to do just the opposite. Is it the rebel in me or could it be a certain level of obsessiveness where food takes over my life? not sure. I now follow a simple 5:2 plan, nope not the popular fasting diet, instead I eat healthy and stick to my calories and macros during the working week and then eat what I like (within reason) at the weekend. I see this as a way of rewarding my good behaviour and it stops me from thinking and obsessing about food. Will this work for everyone? I couldn’t answer that, but it works for me. I don’t feel restricted and most importantly I do not feel guilty about indulging in my favourite foods.
Although, I do not like to conform to social norms, I do like to be a certain size and the way I look on the outside makes me feel good on the inside. I don’t want to be a super model I just like to look a certain way. Is this bad to admit? Possibly, but I am being honest. When pregnant with my daughter I was the heaviest I have ever been and I didn’t feel like I recognised myself. I felt like I was Kay trapped in someone else’s body. 22 months on I still have that last 10 pounds left to lose. Whilst it would be nice to lose it fast, I don’t want to be miserable and h-angry (that horrible combination of being so hungry you physically want to hurt someone). I am finally seeing results, slowly but surely. What’s important is that I now have to be a good role model to my children and I do not want them growing up having an unhealthy relationship with food too, because of me.
You all know how much I love quotes and here is my favourite one from Hippocrates. I have loved this guy since studying ‘Medicine through time’ for my History GCSE.
“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”
I love to learn about nutrition so if you have any healthy food tips or would like to share your own experiences, please leave your comments below.
For my post on Sugar Free Month Challenge go here